i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
