We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
