How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
