clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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