This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
