it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
