i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
