Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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