No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
