Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
