Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
