Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
