I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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