You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
