I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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