I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
