It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
