fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
