Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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