Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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