i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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