he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
