Pants 0. Shit 1.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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