I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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