I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
