I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
