Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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