I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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