i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
