Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
