Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just had sex on a roof
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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