My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
