best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
