Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Randomize
