the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
