i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
