shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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