sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
These tits shall not be calmed
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
