I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
