I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize