i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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