Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
