I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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