he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
