i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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