Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
