Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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