I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
