you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
