Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
