They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We had sex on a dog bed..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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