buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
