you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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