i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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