6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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