I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
