Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
