New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
