just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
