He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
