the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
