this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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