please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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