i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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