Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
