I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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