i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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