You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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