i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
