Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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